Ubunikazi Bobulili Bengane

Ubunikazi bobulili bengane kanye nemibono yakhe mayelana nomndeni nempilo yocansi kunqunywa ngokuyinhloko ubuhlobo babo.

uthando lwabazali kanye nenqubo yokukhulisa ingane kusukela esemncane. Okwenzeka emndenini kwakha umbono wokuthi yini enhle nebi. Inkolo nezinkolelo zabazali kubaluleke kakhulu. Izinkinga zocansi esikhathini esizayo kanye nokuphulwa kobunikazi bobulili bengane kungase kuphakame uma kwakukhona ukuhlukumeza ngokocansi ebuntwaneni noma uma ucansi beluphathwe kabi kakhulu. Zombili lezi zinhlobo zezimo kamuva zidala izinkinga ngokuzamukela.

1. Imizwa yengane

Okubalulekile yisikhathi esidingekayo ukuze ujwayelane nombono wokuthi ingane ayikwazi ukwakha umndeni, ukuthi yehlukile kontanga yayo abaningi, okungenzeka ukuthi izinkinga zokuzamukela kanye nokwamukelwa yizinkampani zangaphandle. Kubukeka sengathi inselele enkulu ibhekene nabazali benkolo nabasenkolweni yabo engahambisani nobudlelwano bobungqingili. Ngokwezinkolo eziningi ubufebe nobutabane kuyisono. Ngakho-ke, akungabazeki ukuthi kunzima kakhulu ukwamukela ukuthambekela kobulili okuhlukile enganeni esesimweni esinjalo.

Ezweni lanamuhla eligcwele inkanuko yesini, akulula ukuzibamba, okubeka amakholwa ongqingili esimeni sokudideka engqondweni. Lapho bebhekene nokukhetha phakathi kwenjabulo othandweni nokwaneliseka kwesifiso sokusondelana nomuntu abamthandayo, kumelwe balahle izinkolelo zabo nezimiso zokuziphatha. Ngokombono ka-Leon Festinger wango-1957, ukungezwani okunamandla kuvela esimweni sokungahambisani nokuziphatha namagugu amenyezelwe. Umuntu ufuna ukukunciphisa. Esimweni esinjalo, kuba lula ngaye ukushintsha izinkolelo zakhe. Emndenini lapho ubungqingili bungemukelwa khona, kungase kuphakame ukuhlukana. Umuntu owaliwe izihlobo ulingeka kalula ukuba alahle izimiso zokuziphatha futhi afune ukusekelwa izihlobo. Ngakho-ke, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi abazali baqonde ukuthi ingane yabo ingase ibe nokucindezeleka okukhulu ngenxa yobungqingili babo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uyesaba ukucwaswa kwemvelo, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ufuna ukuthandwa. Uma ungakutholi ukusekelwa obathandayo, umndeni nabangane, lesi simo sinzima kakhulu ukusithwala. Imvamisa, abantu abasha abathambekele ebungqingilini baba nokuphazamiseka kwemizwa nokucindezeleka. Laba bantu ke abadingi nje ukusekelwa kwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, kodwa, ngaphezu kwakho konke, usizo ekutholeni uchwepheshe ofanele. Ihlazo lokungavunyelwa emphakathini lingaba isithiyo ekunqobeni ukwelashwa.

Ezinye izimo zokungabi nasithakazelo kubantu bobulili obuhlukile zingase zibe umphumela wokukhuliswa nokuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni. Ngokuvamile ukhathazeke kangaka umbono ngobulili bomuntu ikwazi ukusebenza ngokweqile ngesikhathi sokwelashwa kwengqondo. Yize inkolelo-mbono yethonya lezici zemvelo ekuthuthukisweni kobungqingili ingabuzwa ngaphansi kwethiyori yesinqumo sofuzo sokuthambekela kobulili, kwezinye izimo, ukunengeka kwabantu bobulili obuhlukile kuyafaneleka. Ukwelashwa kungasiza ekutholeni ubufazi obufihliwe emantombazaneni angavuthiwe ngokomzwelo futhi uwalungiselele ubuhlobo nendoda (isibonelo, ukudlwengulwa kwasebuntwaneni, ukuhlukumeza koyise, njll.).

2. Ukwamukela ubulili obuhlukile bengane

Thola okuningi ngangokunokwenzeka ngaye. Njengoba imithombo inikeza ulwazi oluphikisanayo mayelana ne-genesis yobungqingili, kungcono kakhulu ukubhekisela ocwaningweni lwesayensi lwabasekeli bazo zombili izinkolelo-mbono. Okokuqala, gxila endleleni ongayisiza ngayo ingane yakho kanye nawe. Zinike isikhathi ukwamukela isimo esisha. Ungabaleki inkinga. Ungabheki ubungqingili njengendlela ye-pathology futhi, uma kungenzeka, ungazibandakanyi kuzo zonke izinhlobo zezingxoxo nezingxabano. Esikhundleni sokuthi akusize umamukele, uzodlulisela intukuthelo yakho enganeni ayiyise kubantu abeseka okuphambene nawe. Ungaphiki imizwa yakho ngengane yakho. Intukuthelo, ukukhathazeka, ukudabuka, ukunengeka kanye neminye imizwa engathandeki kuwukusabela okungokwemvelo. Yamukela ubukhona babo besikhashana empilweni yakho. Khuluma nengane yakho. Thembeka kuye uma lesi simo sinzima kuwe. Veza imizwa yakho ngokuqondile, ngaphandle kokusola ingane ngendlela ozizwa ngayo ngaleso sikhathi. Nikeza ukusekela kwakho, buza ukuthi uzizwa kanjani.

Kufanele nakanjani ufune ukuqonda nokusekelwa kwabanye abantu. Ukuzihlukanisa nabo kuholela enkolelweni yokuthi kukhona umgoqo wenhlalo phakathi kwabantu abangama-homo nama-hetero. Uma inkolo yakho ingahambisani nobungqingili, cabangela ukukhuluma nomfundisi. Bhala zonke izinkinga zokuthi ingane ibe isitabane. Kusho ukuthini lokhu kuwe? Yini ngempela enzima kuwe kulesi simo? Bhala eduze kwemizwa onayo yento ngayinye. Zama ukuvumelana nombono wokuthi le mizwa ingaphakathi kuwe. Cabanga ukuthi imicabango yakho ilungile yini, noma inkinga ibonakala inkulu kunalokho eyikho ngempela. Ngokuvamile ezimweni ezinzima, sivame ukwenza ihaba ngenkinga. Futhi, cabanga ukuthi imicabango yakho nokwesaba kwakho kunezizathu yini. Mhlawumbe wesaba izinto ezingasoze zenzeke ngempela empilweni yakho?

Uma ungavumelani nendlela indodakazi yakho noma indodana yakho ephila ngayo, yitshele kanjalo, kodwa yivumele inqume ikusasa layo. Ngokunqabela ingane yakho ukuthi ixhumane nomlingani wobulili obufanayo, wakha udonga phakathi kwakho. Ngokumnikeza ukukhetha nokukuqinisekisa ngothando lwakhe, naphezu kweqiniso lokuthi kunzima kuwe ukwamukela isimo, unokuthula nawe kanye naye. Cabangela ukuvakashela isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. Umhlangano onjalo noma uchungechunge lwemihlangano lungakusiza ukuthi uphinde uhlole ezinye izinto futhi ubheke inkinga ngelinye iso. Ngezinye izikhathi kuyafaneleka ukuxoxa ngezinkinga zakho nomuntu, esikhundleni sokunikeza iseluleko, azohlola isimo sakho ngobuqotho. Ukushintshana ubulili awunathonya enganeni yakho. Ngobudlelwano bakho, yebo.

Ungalindi ukubona udokotela. Thatha ithuba lokubonisana nochwepheshe abavela kulo lonke elasePoland namuhla kwa-abcZdrowie Thola udokotela.

I-athikili ibuyekezwe uchwepheshe:

Magdalena Bonyuk, Massachusetts

Sexologist, psychologist, osemusha, omdala kanye nomndeni Therapist.